he shaved USA in his pubs
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
