If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
