So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
