Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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