Don't you send me to vm
Barsexuality is the new black.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
