Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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