All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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