hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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