WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
