I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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