omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Bring me that man meat
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
