she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
