she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
