I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
