Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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