You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
And then he peed in my hair
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