dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
