What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
