There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
