i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
