sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize