i think my tv is drunk
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
