Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
