Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
