So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
