I puked a lego.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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