On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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