How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
