yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
