dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
