Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
