I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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