i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
