If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
