weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize