if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
