Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
jump out the window naked night went bad
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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