I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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