i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
