Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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