I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
