I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
