oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
