i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
