Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
