the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
