i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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