So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
