All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
