well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
