he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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