Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
