so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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