Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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