She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
