It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
