Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
