Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
