can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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