I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
