You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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