ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
