..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
