I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
