we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
