I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
