Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
